Animal Jokes

A dog walks into a butcher shop, spends a number of minutes looking at the meat on display, and eventually indicates with a nod of his head and a bark that he would like some lamb chops. The butcher, thinking the dog would know no better, picks up ...

Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied ...

One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up. "Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?" "Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to sustain us through many days when we are out in the ...

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across a big deep hole. "Wow, that looks deep." "Sure does! Toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is." They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait, but there is no ...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept ...

A salesman is lost in a rural area and stops at a farm to get directions. As he is talking to the farmer he notices a pig with a wooden leg. "How did the pig get a wooden leg?", he asks the farmer. "Well", says the farmer, "that is a very special ...

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's ...

A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate the wife's birthday. While they were getting ready, the husband put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting ...

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, ...

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you stupid cow." The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for ...

A city bloke was holidaying at a merino stud. The farmer he was staying with said, 'It's a beautiful morning. Why not take the dogs and do a bit of shooting?' 'Great! Thanks.' At lunch the farmer inquired, 'How was the shooting?' 'Terrific. ...