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Bar Jokes

Logic of the Irish
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him ...
Rating: 6.2 / 10
Two Scotsmen
Two Scotsmen had been pals since childhood and had shared everything over the years. One day, Angus won a rare bottle of Scotch in a door prize. Immediately, Jock says "Open it up and we'll have a dram." "Naw, ah'm goin' tae save it for a ...
Rating: 5.3 / 10
The Drunk
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender." The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please." The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps ...
Rating: 6 / 10
The 12th Story Bar
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks. After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, ...
Rating: 6 / 10
Big John
A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything ...
Rating: 4.8 / 10
The Bad Day
There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. ...
Rating: 7.1 / 10
The Pirate
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The two men take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. He asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate ...
Rating: 6.6 / 10
Compulsion
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm ...
Rating: 4.6 / 10
Three Vampires
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would ...
Rating: 3.2 / 10
The Carrot
A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but decides against it. On the next day, the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again, the bar ...
Rating: 2.3 / 10
I think I can fly
Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I reckon I could fly." The second guy says "No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys ...
Rating: 5.8 / 10
Pieces of String
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again. They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when ...
Rating: 5.2 / 10
Coincidence
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds, ...
Rating: 6.8 / 10
Not So Tough
A nun in full black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her square in the nose. Before she can scream, he lands a sloppy one-two and an uppercut. When she goes down, he starts kicking her with his scuffed ...
Rating: 5.4 / 10