Joke Lists

Top 10 signs you may be having a bad day... - Your twin sister forgets your birthday. - You wake up face down on the pavement. - You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. - You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. ...

Here are the top 30 euphemisms for "stupidity": 1. A few clowns short of a circus. 2. A few fries short of a happy meal. 3. A few beers short of a six pack. 4. A few peas short of a casserole. 5. The wheel's spinning, but ...

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity! At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Insist that your email ...

These are actual signs seen around the world in non-English speaking countries. Some of the mistakes are hilarious! In a Rome laundry: Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist ...

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. ...

Find out what may really mean when they say... "I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" ...

25 Things Women Should Know About Men: 1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 3. Marrying a divorced man is ...

Here are the twenty five best responses if found asleep at your desk! 25. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!" 24. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 23. "This is in exchange ...

Things I learned from the movies During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the ...

Why it is so cool to be a woman We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs. We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our ...

Why it is so cool to be a man Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. You can go to the ...

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh gee, better get cracking," and scribble furiously. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the ...

Top 20 signs that you use the Internet too often: You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a person with no Facebook account. You feel driven to play Farmville on your wedding day. Your opening ...

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 4. Terminate the call with, ...

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!' 2. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly. 3. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 4. On a long ride, sway side to ...