Miscellaneous Jokes

One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby." The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, ...

An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before. One month ...

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were ...

A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his, drinking by himself. Approaching his friend, he commented, "You look awful. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me $15,000," the friend answered. "Boy, that's tough," the man ...

Three aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from the University of Houston, "What is the opposite of joy?" ...

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my ...

One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, I'm out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to ...

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the ...

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers ...

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you ...

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube for me." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an ...

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would ...

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party ...

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart. Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes ...

A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, ...