Miscellaneous Jokes

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about ...

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - skydiving. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him. "I am placed in the door and told when to jump," he said. "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and ...

A tough U.S. Marine sergeant got word that the father of one of his men had passed away. At roll call he snapped, "Hey, Smith, your father died!" The Marine fainted on the spot. A week later the sister of another Marine died, and the sergeant ...

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you ...

A man is walking his dog in a park when he meets another man, also walking his dog. They say hello and start to talk about their dogs. One has a chihuahua and the other a doberman. They decide to rest for coffee and they walk into a local cafe. ...

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He ...

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. "How ...

On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished. "Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor. "That's ...

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from ...

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball ...

The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes. The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint ...

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." ...