20 Signs you're addicted to the Internet

Top 20 signs that you use the Internet too often:

You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a person with no Facebook account.

You feel driven to play Farmville on your wedding day.

Your opening line is, "So what's your Twitter username?"

You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening toward a flimsy guard rail that separates you from the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death. You search frantically for the "Back" button.

Your dog has his own Facebook account or blog. So does your goldfish.

When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

You close your web browser and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as "@DarkSoul29".

Your wife sets a photo of herself as your desktop background to remind you of what she looks like.

You know all of your friends by their profile photos.

You don't speak to your mother because she doesn't have Facebook.

When asked about your day, you speak about yourself in third person: "Paul enjoyed his $4.99 lunchtime curry".

You laugh at people without the Internet on their phones.

You move into a new house and decide to have the Internet connected before the gas.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 300 Gigabytes per month "unlimited."

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another laptop, so the two of you can Skype while in different rooms.