Net Addiction

Top 20 signs that you use the net too often:

Your opening line is, "So what's your home page address?"

You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a Web page with no links.

You feel driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.

You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening toward a flimsy guard rail that separates you from the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death. You frantically search for the "Back" button.

Your dog has his own Web page. So does your goldfish.

When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as "Jon at I-I Net dot com."

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an '@' in their names.

You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

You laugh at people with 56k modems.

You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 300 hours per month "unlimited."

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer, and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.