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To a Cop
Here are 20 things that you should never say to a cop:
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Hey! Aren't you the guy from the village people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 MPH to keep up with me! Good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. No donut for you!
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Hey! Didn't I see you on 'Cops'?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they cannot get a job at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary, dammit!
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around. That's how far behind them I am!
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of heroin, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?