All Jokes

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. "Ladies ...

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. ...

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular cut in ...

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming ...

Three racehorses standing around started arguing. The first said, "I've won 15 out of 20 of my races!" The second said, "Yeah, well I've won 29 out of 30 of my races!" The third said, "Yeah, well I've won 39 out of 40 of my races!" ...

A flight was on its way to Los Angeles when one of its pilots came and said "I'm sorry to inform you that one of the flight's engines has stopped functioning. "This is no cause for concern because we have three more engines. However, the flight ...

There was three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there was only two parachutes. The first man, the smartest man ...

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, ...

A farmer from Texas goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!" The Australian ...

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity! At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Insist that your email ...

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but ...

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I ...

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can ...

These are actual signs seen around the world in non-English speaking countries. Some of the mistakes are hilarious! In a Rome laundry: Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist ...

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver ...

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he ...