All Jokes

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he ...

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the ...

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. ...

A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks ...

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes ...

A tourist in San Francisco walks into an antique shop in Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the ...

Find out what may really mean when they say... "I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING" ...

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. ...

What Women Want in a Man When they first start dating 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful ...

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. ...

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender." The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please." The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps ...

Here are 20 things that you should never say to a cop: 20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 18. Hey! Aren't you the guy from the village people? ...

A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a ...

Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise ...

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything ...

Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks. After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, ...